You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
