Me. At least after what I've been through.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
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