Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
