the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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