sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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