You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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