My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
