Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
