I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
