Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I supernannyed him into submission
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
