i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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