So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
