just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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