Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
