good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
