i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
