Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
