I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
