it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
