two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
