Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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