he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
if only i could text you this smell
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
