So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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