Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
