i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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