Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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