Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
