Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
