I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
last night I used snow as a chaser
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
