Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
