I think i peed on brittanys purse
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
