I faked an abortion last night.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
