I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
