i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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