I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
