I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
