Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
