Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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