i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
