she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
did you just send me my own nude
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
