So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
