Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
