did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
