"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
