Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
