You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
