I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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