i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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