sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
