3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
